Howard Gardner believes that an ethical orientation begins at home where children observe their parents at their work and play in civic responsibilities. In contemporary society, peers and colleagues also assume importance from an early age, and the quality of one's peers proves especially critical during adolescence in the development of ethical training. My children know what is expected of them but compare my parenting style with that of their peers parents. I often remind them that I am not their friends mother.
In 5 Minds of the Future, Gardner writes about living in a world characterised by good work that is excellent, ethical and engaging. My children attend a very small school that has a family type atmosphere. If my son had his way; after football practice he would go out to eat with friends, watch the girl's volleyball game, miss Wednesday night church service (because practice was too long), hang out with the football players on Thursday and Friday and on Saturday hang out with friends more. I know his friends and consider them good young men but it is obvious that their parents do not share the same values that I have in regards to school. Because he has rules I often hear, "I'm the only one out of my friends who can't hang out and when will I be able to be a teenager and have fun". His justification for hanging out with his friends is that he makes A's in his classes. I am proud of his academic success but if he is not at home, it is difficult for him to observe ethics and good works being implemented in the home. It is very difficult to teach ethics and morals when they are not practiced by all parents. What I believe is ethical might not be what others view as ethical.
I couldn't agree more, Gail. The ethics of our children are a direct result of the ethics they see us model. My daughter is 15 months old and it is amazing to see what she already mimics from my wife and I. We try to make a concerted effort to watch our tones and the words we use when we talk to each other and her. I can only imagine what it will be like when she gets older.
ReplyDeleteIn addition, I believe that as educators it is our job not only to teach our students academics but to also teach them ethics, especially when it is obvious they are not getting a good model at home.
Good for you Gail for being a strick, 'no fun' parent! America needs more parents like you!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you Ms. Gail!!!! As a mom of a set of children (twins and a singleton) that are twelve years apart my husband and I have not changed our thoughts on what we to believe to true as we raise our last child.
ReplyDeleteIs there any way I can prevent my elementary ages kids from turning into teenagers? If you are thinking of the obvious answer - don't even go there :)
ReplyDeleteEvery time I read another one of our required books, I reflect on how it applies to my personal life as well as to my work.
We, as parents, have to take the primary role of teaching our own children the ethics and morals they will need to be well-rounded citizens. This is one of the main problems in our society - parents who can't or don't want to invest in their childrens' moral development.
Great post Gail.
I agree 120%. If all children had parents like you society would be in a much better position. Way to go Dr G!!!!
ReplyDeleteYour children will call you blessed when they have children of their own. We raised three sons, and we heard a lot of what you expressed. All of the "other parents" were nicer to their kids. Our sons have become magnificent men who have raised their own children with the same values we stood for. By the way, they are hearing from their children the same sentiments we heard from them during those difficult years when peer respect (whatever that really means) was more important than parental respect. God is faithful to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
ReplyDeletePreach it! You are so right. We all see those students of ours who are making wrong choices and not far behind them are their parents making some of the same choices. Not only are parents "charged" with bringing their children up in the knowledge of the Lord, but they are responsible for their discipline as well. What a great foundation we must provide as parents! (It is something that I am praying for right now even though my wife and I don't have children yet, we must pray for wisdom long before God gives us our children.)
ReplyDeleteAmen, I have three teenage types and it is not easy. In my home tonight we have a group of teens hanging out celebrating my son's birthday and Halloween. At the moment they are watching a movie...a PG movie...and can you believe that they are having fun. I am answering the door for treaters and my husband is right in the middle of the den watching the movie with them. Being present is vital! Setting an example of Christian behavior is imperative. Jake I pray everyday for wisdom. I also pray everyday that my chidren gain wisdom.
ReplyDeleteGail I love the statement you made, "I am proud of his academic success but if he is not at home, it is difficult for him to observe ethics and good works being implemented in the home." You are exactly right; our children/students need to see us living our beliefs "out loud". That means treating others with respect, speaking honestly, and showing love to the unlovely.
ReplyDeleteI invite my children's friends over to show them how we live and also to enjoy their company also. The hard part, and the joy of parenting, is finding the balance between giving independence and being present.
I agree with you 100% Gail!!! It is very unfortunate our children have to grow up in society where all values are not the same across the board. That has its pros and cons, yet mostly cons with us being Chritians parents. But as the Bible teaches, never tire of doing the right thing. As Dr. kemp alluded, your hard work will pay off and be apprecieated once your children grow and have children of their own. Continue to model and teach what it means to be a family of Christian morals, ethics and values!! ;-)
ReplyDelete